“我的祖父斯奎尔斯，”衣衫褴褛的人说，他一本正经地点上烟斗，开始说——“就他的年龄来说，最坚不可摧的人，也是世界上最伟大的人，是我的祖父斯奎尔斯!当他把他的三十块划到整数的时候，他说，“我现在掌握了窍门，可以再来一次!””“他的脚后跟冻僵了好几次，他能从脚后跟判断出天气将会怎样。他会笑着说:“虽然《年鉴》的预言是最错误的，但他永远不会!”“斯奎尔斯爷爷的体格是那么健壮，”虽然他已经用了六十多年的“海军”，“他每周仍有六天咀嚼价值一角硬币的东西，而第七天他每双脸颊都要嚼上一口。“我的祖父斯奎尔斯有一种奇特的本领，他喜欢用小背坐着，双腿像字母Y一样伸在壁炉上，他习惯在那里吃东西。”他对烟草有各种各样的爱好，在阳光灿烂的日子里，他会坐在门口的台阶上，抽着他精心种植的烟叶，他在整个墨西哥战争期间都在用烟斗。衣衫褴褛的人一边说，一边把自己的烟斗灌满一碗，悠闲地用他的手指和拇指从炉子里挑出一块煤，“你看，他给我养成了一个多么幼稚的习惯!“我祖父斯奎尔斯特别喜欢每星期六晚上修剪他的玉米。”他用一把角柄剃刀，他辩解说:“这是他祖父用过的剃刀。”尽管这把刀的刀柄上深深地刻着那永远悦耳的沃斯滕霍尔姆的名字，“我祖父的习惯是夸耀这把刀是‘赛斯·托马斯的剃刀——有史以来最好的剃刀!“没有斯格威尔爷爷的主持，任何旧移民会议或拓荒者集会都是不完整的。”在节目开始时，他告诉人们“他过去是如何在现在的法院所在地打鹿的”——“他是如何感受过去的生活的，真的，当乡村是荒野的、完整的、广阔的，“小木屋对他自己、他的同伴和一家九口来说已经足够好了!”——“那时他们连抽水机都没有，连罐头都没有，只是年复一年地喝着地表水，”从老式的葫芦里喝出来的水，碰巧比诸神唇边的金酒杯还要甜!“然后那个衣衫褴褛的人停了下来，哀怨地说，这一天快结束了——他应该回去在草坪上干活了，——然后他抽泣着叼着烟斗，接着说:‘他的牙齿不完整——我祖父承认，他不能吃牡蛎，除非它们‘去骨’; 'And his eyes were so weak, and so feeble of sight, He couldn't sleep with them unless, every night, 'He put on his spectacles--all he possessed,-- Three pairs--with his goggles on top of the rest. 'And my grandfather always, retiring at night, Blew down the lamp-chimney to put out the light; 'Then he'd curl up on edge like a shaving, in bed, And puff and smoke pipes in his sleep, it is said: 'And would snore oftentimes as the legends relate, Till his folks were wrought up to a terrible state,-- 'Then he'd snort, and rear up, and roll over; and there, In the subsequent hush they could hear him chew air. 'And so glaringly bald was the top of his head That many's the time he has musingly said, 'As his eyes journeyed o'er its reflex in the glass,-- 'I must set out a few signs of _Keep Off the Grass!_' 'So remarkably deaf was my grandfather Squeers That he had to wear lightning-rods over his ears 'To even hear thunder--and oftentimes then He was forced to request it to thunder again.'