汉斯·卡维尔，又老又无能，娶了一个伦敦小姐。帅吗?足够的;非常同性恋者;她酷爱音乐、陪伴和游戏;她有很高的志向，又有随心所欲的智慧，所以她的舌头很少静止;因为在所有的拜访中，除了她，还有谁会争论或回答呢?她说得很清楚，人的激情是命中注定的;如果软弱的女人误入歧途，她们的星星比她们更有过错。所有的悲剧她都熟记于心;进入罗克珊娜的角色; To triumph in her rival's blood The action certainly was good. How like a vine young Ammon curl'd! Oh that dear conqueror of the world! She pity'd Betterton in age That ridiculed the godlike rage. She, first of all the town, was told Where newest India things were sold; So in a morning, without bodice, Slipt sometimes out to Mrs. Thody's To cheapen tea, to buy a screen; What else could so much virtue mean? For to prevent the least reproach Betty went with her in the coach. But when no very great affair Excited her peculiar care, She without fail was waked at ten, Drank chocolate, then slept again: At twelve she rose; with much ado Her clothes were huddled on by two: Then, does my lady dine at home? Yes, sure; - but is the colonel come? Next, how to spend the afternoon, And not come home again too soon, The change, the city, or the play, As each was proper for the day; A turn in summer to Hyde-park, When it grew tolerably dark. Wife's pleasure causes husband's pain; Strange fancies come in Hans's brain: He thought of what he did not name, And would reform but durst not name, At first he therefore preach'd his wife The comforts of a pious life; Told her how transient beauty was; That all must die, and flesh was grass: He bought her sermons, psalms, and graces, And doubled down the useful places: But still the weight of worldly care Allow'd her little time for prayer; And Cleopatra was read o'er, While Scot, and Wake, and twenty more, That teach one to deny one's self, Stood unmolested on the shelf. An untouch'd bible graced her toilette; No fear that thumb of hers should spoil it, In short, the trade was still the same; The dame went out, the colonel came. What's to be done? poor Carvel cried; Another battery must be tried: What if to spells I had recourse? 'Tis but to hinder something worse. The end must justify the means; He only sins who ill intends: Since therefore 'tis to combat evil 'Tis lawful to employ the devil. Forthwith the devil did appear, (For name him and he's always near) Not in the shape in which he plies At miss's elbow when she lies, Or stands before the nursery doors To take the naughty boy that roars, But without tail, or eye, or claw, Like a grave barrister at law. Hans Carvel, lay aside your grief, The devil says; I bring relief. Relief! says Hans; pray let me crave Your name Sir - Satan - Sir, your slave. I did not look upon your feet; You'll pardon me, - Ay, now I see't. And pray, Sir, when came you from hell? Our friends there, did you leave them well? All well; but, pr'ythee, honest Hans (Says Satan) leave your complaisance: The truth is this; I cannot stay Flaring in sunshine all the day, For, entre nous, we hellish sprites Love more the fresco of the nights; And oftener our receipts convey In dreams than any other way, I tell you, therefore, as a friend, Ere morning dawns your fears shall end: Go then this evening, Master Carvel, Lay down your fowls, and broach your barrel; Let friends and wine dissolve your care Whilst I the great receipt prepare --- To-night I'll bring it by my faith: Believe for once what Satan saith. Away went Hans; glad not a little; Obey'd the devil to a tittle; Invited friends some half a dozen, The colonel and my lady's cousin. The meat was served, the bowls were crown'd, Catches were sung, and healths went round; Barbadoes' waters for the close, Till Hans had fairly got his dose; The colonel toasted to the best; The dame moved off to be undress'd; The chimes went twelve, the guests withdrew But when or how Hans hardly knew: Some modern anecdotes aver He nodded in his elbow chair, From thence was carried off to bed; John held his heels, and Nan his head; My lady was disturb'd; new sorrow! Which Hans must answer for to-morrow. In bed then view this happy pair, And think how Hymen triumph'd there; Hans fast asleep as soon as laid, The duty of the night unpaid; The waking dame with thoughts oppress'd That made her hate both him and rest: By such a husband, such a wife! 'Twas Acme's and Septimius' life: The lady sigh'd, the lover snored, The punctual devil kept his word; Appear'd to H