“就是这出戏!””——《哈姆雷特》。塔维斯托克旅馆(1839年11月)亲爱的查尔斯:在给你和范妮的回信中，勃若翰勋爵似乎并没有死——虽然安妮女王已经死了;这是一个“情节”和一个“闹剧”——你讨厌闹剧，你说——那么，拿另一个“情节”来说，即戏剧的情节。阿伦德尔伯爵夫人，身居高位，拥有爵位，在十五岁的年纪，在我们还不太聪明的年纪，竟轻率地和一个小侍从建立了关系——事实上，是和一个拇指蹦蹦的侍从订婚了。这使她的爸爸——她没有妈妈——可想而知，大发雷霆。本杰明·富兰克林先生常在他的谚语中重复说:“偷来的吻是甜蜜的。”但它们也有自己的搭配——命运的安排，扰乱了阿伦德尔小姐的平静，折磨了她的快乐，一个可爱的小男孩的模糊形象。当她的秘密通过“年轻的异乡人”传开时，老公爵既不能“捆绑也不能捆绑”。他上蹿下跳，眉头紧锁得那么可怕，你会以为他是个瞎子。据说，那位小姐昏过去了，一整天都被关在房间里; While her beau -- no rare thing in the old feudal system -- Disappear'd the next morning, and nobody miss'd him. The fact is, his Lordship, who hadn't, it seems, Form'd the slightest idea, not ev'n in his dreams, That the pair had been wedded according to law, Conceived that his daughter had made a faux pas; So he bribed at a high rate A sort of a Pirate To knock out the poor dear young Gentleman's brains, And gave him a handsome douceur for his pains. The Page thus disposed of, his Lordship now turns His attention at once to the Lday's concerns; And, alarm'd for the future, Looks out for a suitor, One not fond of raking, nor giv'n to 'the pewter,' But adapted to act both the husband and tutor -- Finds a highly respectable, middle-aged, widower, Marries her off, and thanks Heaven that he's rid o' her. Relieved from his cares, The old Peer now prepares To arrange in good earnest his worldly affairs; Has his will made new by a Special Attorney, Sickens, takes to his bed, and sets out on his journey. Which way he travell'd Has not been unravell'd; To speculate much on the point were too curious, If the climate he reach'd were serene or sulphureous. To be sure in his balance-sheet all must declare One item -- The Page -- was an awkward affair; But, per contra, he'd lately endow'd a new Chantry For Priests, with ten marks and the run of the pantry. Be that as it may, It's sufficient to say That his tomb in the chancel stands there to this day, Built of Bethersden marble -- a dark bluish grey. The figure, a fine one of pure alabaster, A cleanly churchwarden has cover'd with plaster; While some Vandal or Jew, With a taste for virtu, Has knock'd off his toes, to place, I suppose, In some Pickwick Museum, with part of his nose; From his belt and his sword And his misericorde The enamel's been chipp'd out, and never restored; His ci-gît in old French is inscribed all around, And his head's in his helm, and his heel's on his hound, The palms of his hands, as if going to pray, Are join'd and upraised o'er his bosom -- But stay! I forgot that his tomb's not described in the Play! Lady Arundel, now in her own right a Peeress, Perplexes her noddle with no such nice queries, But produces in time, to her husband's great joy, Another remarkably 'fine little boy.' As novel connections Oft change the affections, And turn all one's love into different directions, Now to young 'Johnny Newcome' she seems to confine hers, Neglecting the poor little dear out at dry-nurse; Nay, far worse than that, She considers 'the brat' As a bore -- fears her husband may smell out a rat. As her legal adviser She takes an old Miser, A sort of 'poor cousin.' She might have been wiser; For this arrant deceiver, By name Maurice Beevor, A shocking old scamp, should her own issue fail, By the law of the land stands the next in entail. So, as soon as she ask'd him to hit on some plan To provide for her eldest, away the rogue ran To that self-same unprincipled sea-faring man; In his ear whisper'd low ...--'Bully Gaussen' said 'done!-- I Burked the papa, now I'll Bishop the son!' 'Twas agreed; and, with speed To accomplish the deed, He adopted a scheme he was sure would succeed. By long cock-and-bull stories Of Candish and Noreys, Of Drake and bold Raleigh, then fresh in his glories, Acquired 'mongst the Indians and Rapparee Tories, He so