当啃耳朵的詹金斯和麦金尼维尔·麦吉结婚时，他那飘逸的头发，你记得，是轻浮而自由的;但在老处女膜的头彩里，这是一件最令人惊奇的事情，那些飘动的头发像春天的雪球一样消失了;玩笑似乎像秋天里的枯叶一样枯萎凋谢了，只剩下啃过的老耳朵秃得比一颗洗白了的炮弹还厉害。现在，咬耳朵的詹金斯太太，那就是麦金尼维尔·麦吉，她的打法和打法一样好;可是，当孩子们听到约翰的话，他们说一定是她干的，那老头头发蓬乱一定是她干的——为什么!咬耳朵的詹金斯夫人的笑话在空气中消失了。“为了证明，”那天晚上她说，“我是一个可爱的妻子，我买了一打宾克的去头屑香膏。它会让你的头发发芽，像阳光下的南瓜蔓一样卷曲，我打算把它甩在身上，直到每一滴都长好。”这句话击中了嚼耳老头滑稽的一面，于是他向后一躺，喊道:“老姑娘，哪天你敢竖起一根头发，我就给你一千美元。”至于是不是奖品，很难说，但从那天起，咬耳朵似乎没有得到多少安慰。 With bottles of that dandruff dope she followed at his heels, An' sprinkled an' massaged him even when he ate his meals. She waked him from his beauty sleep with tender, lovin' care, An' rubbed an' scrubbed assiduous, yet never sign of hair. Well, naturally all the boys soon tumbled to the joke, An' at the Wow-wow's Social 'twas Cold-deck Davis spoke: "The little woman's working mighty hard on Chewed-ear's crown; Let's give her for a three-fifth's share a hundred dollars down. We stand to make five hundred clear -- boys, drink in whiskey straight: `The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate'." The boys wuz on, an' soon chipped in the necessary dust; They primed up a committy to negotiate the deal; Then Missis Jenkins yielded, bein' rather in disgust, An' all wuz signed an' witnessed, an' invested with a seal. They rounded up old Chewed-ear, an' they broke it what they'd done; Allowed they'd bought an interest in his chance of raisin' hair; They yanked his hat off anxiouslike, opinin' one by one Their magnifyin' glasses showed fine prospects everywhere. They bought Hairlene, an' Thatchem, an' Jay's Capillery Juice, An' Seven Something Sisters, an' Macassar an' Bay Rum, An' everyone insisted on his speshul right to sluice His speshul line of lotion onto Chewed-ear's cranium. They only got the merrier the more the old man roared, An' shares in "Jenkins Hirsute" went sky-highin' on the board. The Syndicate wuz hopeful that they'd demonstrate the pay, An' Missis Jenkins laboured in her perseverin' way. The boys discussed on "surface rights", an' "out-crops" an' so on, An' planned to have it "crown" surveyed, an' blue prints of it drawn. They ran a base line, sluiced an' yelled, an' everyone wuz glad, Except the balance of the property, an' he wuz "mad". "It gives me pain," he interjects, "to squash yer glowin' dream, But you wuz fools when you got in on this here `Hirsute' scheme. You'll never raise a hair on me," when lo! that very night, Preparin' to retire he got a most onpleasant fright: For on that shinin' dome of his, so prominently bare, He felt the baby outcrop of a second growth of hair. A thousand dollars! Sufferin' Caesar! Well, it must be saved! He grabbed his razor recklesslike, an' shaved an' shaved an' shaved. An' when his head was smooth again he gives a mighty sigh, An' sneaks away, an' buys some Hair Destroyer on the sly. So there wuz Missis Jenkins with "Restorer" wagin' fight, An' Chewed-ear with "Destroyer" circumventin' her at night. The battle wuz a mighty one; his nerves wuz on the strain, An' yet in spite of all he did that hair began to gain. The situation grew intense, so quietly one day, He gave his share-holders the slip, an' made his get-a-way. Jest like a criminal he skipped, an' aimed to defalcate The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate. His guilty secret burned him, an' he sought the city's din: "I've got to get a wig," sez he, "to cover up my sin. It's growin', growin' night an' day; it's most amazin' hair"; An' when he looked at it that night, he shuddered with despair. He shuddered an' suppressed a cry at what his optics seen -- For on my word of honour, boys, that hair wuz growin' green. At first he guessed he'd get some dye, an' try to dye it black; An' then he saw 'twas Nemmysis wuz layin' on his track. He must jest face the music, an' confess the thing he done, An' pay the boys an' Guinneyveer the money they had won. An' then there came a big idee -- it thrilled him like a shock: Why not control the Syndicate by buyin' up the Stock? An